Okay, I admit I stopped watching the show after Madonna’s segment (no disrespect, John Mellencamp!), but the highlights of those first two hours were:

– Lou Reed name dropping the Chelsea Hotel and Max’s Kansas City, then proceeding to quote Leonard Cohen lyrics for way too long

– Leonard Cohen bringing his mini-bottle of water on stage with him to accept his award, then proceeding to quote his own lyrics for only slightly too long

– Patti Labelle blows the roof off with her cover of Gamble & Huff’s “If You Don’t Know Me by Now,” making everyone in the audience realize they have really fucked up by not inducting her yet

– Grownup Madonna (“It says in the Talmud…”) loosens up a bit and allows immature Madonna (“That’s right, motherfucker”) to come out during her acceptance speech: “Then we dropped two tabs of ecstacy and danced the night away!” Why, why, why was I too young to go to Danceteria in ’82?

– Still shirtless, Iggy covers “Burning Up” and “Ray of Light” with the Stooges. Michigan, you’ve got a lot to answer for.